6 mo's ... laughing!

January 24, 2011 … Jesus I love you!

‎”He will certainly accomplish what he has decreed for me” … Job 23:14

Remembering is important.  We named our son eben buay.  Eben is short for Ebenezer, meaning stone of help in Hebrew.  An ebenezer is a place of remembrance.   It allows us to recognize God has helped us this far and look forward with the understanding that GOD has done all these things and he will take us to the place of BEST.   Jesus, YOU have helped us this far and YOU will continue to guide us. Buay means light of the world.

So yesterday, we had an Ebenezer moment and we’re marking it.  Grant and I sat at the kitchen table and laughed.  Let me tell you why …

Just six months ago now I was giving birth to the most beautiful child I’ve ever seen.  He was perfect to me …  I wanted so badly to keep him.  But in the end, I had to let go.  And in the aftermath of all that followed, the hospital staff provided many a person to check on my “emotional health.” Emblazoned on my mind is a woman who talked much and listened little, telling me what to expect in the days to come.

It went something like this:  “The six month mark is where you need to be extremely careful.  Be gentle with yourself.  Many women at this time go through a period of deep depression and if you start to feel any signs of this at all please contact us so we can get you some good drugs, etc…” I left feeling like I should put it on the calendar and plan for it.   If that helped the drone of information stop, I may have considered it.

Here I am, 6 months later … LAUGHING!  (Please know I understand women go through post partum depression, it may be me one day, but this is the story of today and God is pouring out a measure of grace that I cannot begin to understand)  – IT’S ALL GOD!  So, we’re sitting, kind of gazing at each other (I love my husband) and talking about days full of AWESOME GOD HAPPENINGS when we realize what the date is.  And grant recalls our meeting with the grief counselor who “talked much and listened little.”  (FYI – this is her job) Lots of smiles and laughter ensue.  (Have I mentioned … I love my husband!)

And as we realize the grace that’s been poured on our lives I see that Jesus-LIFE is just so opposite of the way the world works.  You may have to walk through fire, but God makes all things new,  brings life into dead spaces and resurrects those things in us we thought would not survive.  It’s been six grueling months and Eben will always be with us, but Jesus always has been.

Before we had Eben we had chosen another name.  God changed it, because he knew the purposes of his heart for this little man. He knew he would be an Ebenezer for us.

As I look back to what has been I know God is covering me with his hand and holding me through it all.  And as I move forward, I can truly say He has done all these things and I’m excited to walk into everything He has with HIM.

2 comments to 6 months … laughing!

  • Crying happy tears over what HE has done! Only God! Only God!!

    Love you dearly my friend!


  • Melinda

    Hey! After reading this, as always i am encouraged! No one ever told us about the 6mos grief. I had trouble with the year…and I am still sometimes having struggles. God gave us a beautiful baby girl almost a year after we lost our little boy…how amazing was that. But at that time i had post partum horomones affecting my thoughts. I was sad for a little bit that she was a she and not a he…i so desperatly wanted a boy. But I can see that God used this as continual healing for us. I am so proud of you. I know you have a wonderful husband that supports u…i do too…i couldn’t have done this without him! thanks so much for sharing your journey. :-)

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