Baby Journey Part 2: When You Don’t Know Which End Is Up

Shortly after the seizure episode that placed me in a coma and sent my world into orbit I went to church with my parents.  I knew the experience had affected me to some degree, but I wasn’t quite prepared for what was coming.  As is usually the case, at this church, I was approached by someone who asked the following, “Where do you live?”  I looked them straight in the eye and stared.

I was thinking, hard, but couldn’t for the life of me, think where I lived.  I knew it was a place I’d grown up.  I’d lived there a long time, but nothing was coming to my mind.  The longer I stood there, the more helpless I felt and tears threatened to undo me.  Communicative Failure!

Now, though in very different circumstance, I was once again on the brink of communicative failure.  I was experiencing the same dilemma.  We had been told women in my position went into labor, 70 percent of them anyway, within a week of the time their water breaks.   I’d beaten the odds so far, but not by much and each day was a new challenge to my thinking.  Would we make it?  Would we deliver a healthy baby?

How do you communicate things you don’t understand?  And wording … how should we word things so people didn’t think we were automatically going to miscarry, which was the assumption every time we spoke about our situation.  We didn’t have any amniotic fluid, but how did we explain our little one was still hanging on, over and over and over?  There was exhaustion to the effort on this verbal jungle gym and I was running out of fuel.

When you’re not sure which end is up, be still.   Be still and know that I am God (psalm 46:10).

I knew I wasn’t able.  Striving to communicate properly in any given situation, I’d inevitably fail.  Yet God was calling me to himself each day.  I was wanted (weak as I was) … it was beautiful.  In the quiet God met me and cleared up the jumble of “stuff” I was dealing with. It continues to be a place of trust, a haven … and as the clouds part it becomes clear just which way is up.

1 comment to Baby Journey Part 2: When You Don’t Know Which End Is Up

  • Moji Akinde


    I know we never got much time to “hang out” and for me to get to know you better but Lord help me YOU ARE A PHENOMENAL PERSON! So gracious, blessed, inspiring, faithful that it is almost unreal. You are a miracle happening and still, yet to happen. God has called you to this world for so so many reason and He is and WILL be with you and your husband as you accomplish it all. May God’s infinite love, mercy, kindness and healing be with you and Grant. He is the Almighty Father that knows and does all things. I remember the day you walked into Nail Bar where i worked, no joke, it did seem like a certain calmness came over my day. It was a busy and hectic day, yet even though i didn’t know you that well, i had “peace” if only for a couple of minutes. You are unique, Lois. A very special and unique Angel. I just know it. : )

    I am so inspired by your life and i know deep in my heart that God’s plan for you is incredibly AMAZING! You are a special one Lois. I mean it with everything i have!

    Love, Moji.

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