the page break

Photo By: Kimberly Blok

Photo By: Kimberly Blok

I woke this morning to the usual occurrences.  I rolled over, not really wanting to wake, but knowing my responsibility.  At our house, I’m the resident cook … sandwich maker extraordinaire in the morning (sack lunch for Grant) and poached eggs (this is a new development) for breakfast.  On extra tired mornings I substitute cereal for eggs, trying to make the sandwich before my eyes pop open and there’s no turning back.

It used to be I could get back into the zone (dream-land) and finish up where I left off for the night.  I’m an 8-9 hour sleeper.  Lately, if I don’t get sleep before the sandwich it’s just not going to happen.  That’s helpful if you want to be productive (I do!) but sometimes well, it would just be nice to be able to turn the clock back and find refuge beneath the soft cotton I need to replace but refuse to, as it’s been worn just perfectly.

I am a writer (we’ll talk more about that later).  Currently, this means I spend much of my day in quiet (LOVE IT!), much of my day in solitude (love it!), much of my day thinking and pondering and when people ask me what I’ve been doing all day … well, it’s a hard one to communicate (Try thinking about major ideas all day, some of them personal, all of them deep and then relaying those in a concise and shallow manner).

Today was a BIG day (as far as Lois controlled happenings go!) I went to the downtown library (if you live in Nashville … I’d recommend it) and spent time pouring over children’s literature.   So close it was “necessary,” I popped into a coffee shop that looks strangely like Italy, for some coffee and croissants; and after picking up some lavender at the local flower shop, it was about 11:00 a.m.  Back to the pen?

Well, I did fudge on the writing in favor of some reading.  Sometimes we think our breaks from “reality” are deviations when they’re actually designed to lead us back to our purpose.  For days now I’ve been hopelessly stuck as it came to the blog.  I won’t go into it, but reader … please know, this comes on the heels of a day of pacing, wondering, questioning … what’s next?

At the library I pulled out three books and set two of them quickly back on the shelf.  I like to go in without a book in mind, scan, read the back covers and pull the first one that captures my attention.  Today I pulled A Bridge Between Us, as even the title asked me to read more.  Here is the first line:

“Reiko, never forget who you are, “ my father told me. “You are the daughter of a princess.”  (A Bridge Between Us)

When it came right down to it, I didn’t finish the book.  I can’t even say I’d recommend it, save the first line. But that’s not the point.  Here is a father … asking a daughter to remember who she is, TO NEVER FORGET IT.   Because … SHE IS ROYALTY!

As the story unfolds I’m getting the picture that Reiko does not have a great sense of who she really is … she is burdened by not knowing her mother, missing her father and having a life full of pain, mystery and above all … OBLIGATION.

How different are we?  Who are we? Who are we meant to be?  There are moments when I realize I’ve been wallowing around in a place I was not meant to be.  And is it because I am who I think I am or is it because I don’t know who I really am?

I cook, I clean, I write … but that is not who I AM.  SO … who am I?  I’m on a journey, if you’d like to follow, to communicate a concept in which we’re often bound, but are meant to be free!  Identity.

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