the space in between

Hello again.  To my great dismay I missed the month of June.  I was here, writing in my head, but nothing ever seemed to make it to the page.  A friend recently asked me if I write when I’m happy or when I’m sad.  Without thinking too hard my answer was … happy.  But, the question stuck with me; and this blog, I have a feeling, is the result.

I am one of those people who is weak in conversation.  If you’ve ever been with me in one, you might have glimpsed the moments … the ones where there’s too much to say and stirring the pot of words is just jumbling them all up until nothing will come out quite right.  So, often I choose silence and wait until the moment I can write and untangle the letters, thoughts, ideas and emotions that come with holding it all in.  And … when I choose to let the jumble out untangled, the consequences can be grave.   So, writing … when I’m confused … yes.

Sadness is a trigger towards lamentation.  Here writing takes the shape of longing and heartache, brokenness and pain that the world may never see.  Journals become places of torture as well as lines of salve and it is there I often learn the most.  So writing sad … yes.

When I was in grade school (and I think it’s still a thing) girls wrote notes to boys that went something like this:  I like you, do you like me …  check yes, no, maybe.  This would be followed with some agonizing and rejoicing with a good result and heartache with a bad one.  But in the process of waiting there was this what if.  Everything was still a possibility and that itself was happiness.  Girls giggled about the prospect and boys had no idea what they were in for.

Writing happy is much like that … there’s a what if with great anticipation.  You don’t quite know what’s coming, but you feel good about things.  Your words may take on a pleasure or a pain, bringing a resolve to continue or a death to the vision. But, in the moment it doesn’t matter.   Still, writing happy … yes.

And then, there’s my favorite.  I call it the space in between.  More often than not this is where I write and this is where I live.   There is a place of joy in the middle where neither happiness nor sadness enters in, but pure peace and revelation.  For me writing is reception.   It’s why I’ve missed the month of June.  I’ve been off balance, fighting for reception.   I’ve been sad, happy, anxious, angry … and sadly, peace was lacking.   So, today is a new day and I’m back in the middle.  Listening.

Writing … YES!