Healing Journey Part 10: His Plan, not mine

We had been talking about children and made a decision  … we’d start trying when I was 6 months seizure free.  That would have been  mid-May, 2010.  Enter in  … God’s plan …  much different, often, than our own.  We discovered February 5th that we were about a month in to a wonderful new thing called pregnancy.  We were surprised.  We’d actually been doing all we could to prevent.  God is much bigger than our planning!

In the midst of excitement and disbelief was a wonder and hope that this was the child God was going to use to heal my body.  Looking back, it was a wonderful, emotional, mournful, joyful … rollercoaster journey.  Almost immediately I had a warning from the Lord.  In my spirit I sensed this baby might not make it.  It was hard to hear and I dismissed it, not allowing myself any room to believe it, nor did I speak of it for quite a while.

When my water broke on week 15 and it was confirmed there was no more fluid in my womb I came home and cried like a baby.  I mourned for this child as if he were gone.  I knew it was a boy … God had told us that too, and though no one else may have believed it, I knew.  I was seeing as I looked at everything God had done and said in the past days, months and years that He was right.  He’d done everything he said he would do.  And as I thought about his message of healing I knew this baby would be born naturally.

Questions had been raging all about us regarding the birth of our child and as the weeks passed, the dr.’s concern and amazement both climaxed.  It was rare to carry a child this long after a situation like ours occurred and it was amazing that I was not visibly sick.   One of the possibilities talked about was c-section, but in my time with the Lord he’d spoken of the first child, a boy breaking out of the womb, being born, belonging to God.  I knew this was our child.

As I pushed through the questions and cried out to the Lord I began to feel hopeful.  The longer I carried, the more hope I had that he would be healthy … have a good chance for earthly life.  Questions regarding the pregnancy trumped all my questions about healing.  I believed God would do it in his timing through childbirth.  I was choosing to believe, based on what God had shown me in his word and by his action, that this was the child he had brought for healing purpose.  If for some reason he had another plan, he’d reveal it in his time, I was listening.

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