Dreary exhaustion has taken over and I find myself excited to move forward, but struggling to make the steps. I am in a new place, in a new year and much of the last season has already fallen away, but I can feel the remainder of all that has been, threatening to take hold. Packing remnants of our time with eben, last night I found myself questioning Grant about taking things to storage … “is this going to get lost? are you sure?” (ludicrous … i know!) I had been struggling in my mind to find a place for these things in the new apartment, struggling on another level with the letting go.
Tears brought me to a new realization of my forever state of love – ache. Like a mirror, this morning, the rain trickled down and I felt it wash over me (no umbrella). Seeing the rain, I saw God see me. It didn’t happen all at once, but as I spent time with him we conversed and rejoiced together developing another kind of love-ache. In a moment of love with Jesus, he is our vision. Intimacy produces a longing, a kind of love sickness, an ache to be where we belong.
I love the story of Hagar and her encounter with the Lord. (If you need a refresher check out Genesis 16 &21).
She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “ You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” Gen. 16: 13
Hagar responded to the Lord’s voice. She realized God had vision for her. Do you see God see you? He is speaking! I will respond, for I know I have seen the ONE who sees me.