Since I was a little girl I have wanted to have one thing engraved on my tombstone (that is, if I actually have a tombstone): Swallowed up by LIFE. I remember reading the verse (2 Cor. 5:4) and something inside me just knew that was it – that was what was going to happen when I left this world. I was going to be swallowed up by life. I’ve always loved that phrase, but it wasn’t until recently I was once again reminded where my future lies.
Processing the birth of a baby, even a healthy baby, is a journey. Instead of two, now you are three … instead of thinking about two mouths to feed, you’re thinking about a third. Will you use bottles, will you breastfeed … how will you be a parent?
Into the mix enters a complication … for us it just happened to be lack of amniotic fluid. All other questions are put on hold and everything urgent moves to the forefront. Will this baby survive? What happens if the baby is born at home at 19 weeks, at 20 weeks, at 21 weeks? What happens, what happens, what happens? Scenarios are plentiful, but answers really aren’t. God knows His plan … we know Him.
Grappling with these questions was hard enough. Other questions ran deeper … God, what are you saying? Am I ready to let go? Am I ready for a child? What do I want? What do you want? Is this baby going to live? Is this baby going to live? The question I was really asking was, is this baby going to die?
I often listen to the pastor from our church in Franklin, TN via podcast (it makes a workout speed by). He happened to be taking a break from the usual series that Sunday to talk about heaven. His son was killed in a car crash about a year prior and a book has been written on all God has taught them (www.haveheart.net for more info.) He was speaking about being swallowed up by life.
My heart soared to hear those words again. I am ALIVE. Resting in relationship with Christ now, I will be truly LIVING when I am clothed in the newness that comes from living outside this earthly body. Death will be for me, as Paul says, a gain, a graduation of sorts. There is so much that burdens this earthly life as we are on a journey, not at home. God reminded me that He is the God of the living and not of the dead (matt. 22:32). Whatever He brings about is good. If our son lives here to journey with us, we will rejoice in that. If he LIVES in heaven, having been swallowed up by life, we will rejoice in that. Either way, our son lives. There is no death; and in that is great joy.
This is beautiful… thank you.
swallowed up by life…..love it.
and love YOU!