My Grandma Suz passed away in the aftermath of losing Eben.  I won’t go into what that was here, but that it was painful is an understatement.   But, seasons come and go and we are in a new season laughing about the old.  Praise God for the grace to stand.

I had been going through my jewelry box and decided to wear one of the more plain pieces I had received from my mom on behalf of my Grandma.  Laying the chain quickly around my neck and hearing the,  “Mommy!” coming from the next room, I moved to see what was happening.

Ella was up from her nap and, seeing the necklace, wanted one of her own.  The chain was sturdy, had plenty of wear left and was not particularly precious metal so I took it off my neck and placed it on hers explaining that it came from her Grandma Suz.

“Grandma Suz give me?”  she said.  I nodded  “I want go see her! We go see her now?”  I saw some explanation was needed.  So, the conversation began.  “We can’t see Grandma Suz anymore.  She’s not here anymore. “  “Why?” Ella piped back.   “Well, she died,” I said.  And then the matter of fact response from my daughter came like an arrow to my heart.  “Oh, she got a new room.”

We continued to talk about how Mommy would get a new room someday and Ella would get a new room someday and then she asked, “Will you paint it?”  I explained that God has prepared a place for us and HE has done the work.  I just agree with him.  But the three-year old standing in front of me said, “NO, you have to paint it!”  We both laughed, but there was great rejoicing in my heart to know I won’t have to paint it!!!

Eben too, has a new room.  And I find it interesting that we are beginning the journey with boy #2, just as we can talk with Ella about Grandma Suz’s new room and rejoice in what has been, with her and for her in a whole new way.

photo by: laura ruth

I’ve been married 10 years today.  It’s quite a short time when you think about it.  I am living with God’s man for me.  But, we’re so far from perfect it’s not even funny.  Just this past week we fought … over a sandwich.   In reality we fought over what the sandwich represented.

It went something like this:

Wife: Finding her husband has left the sandwich from a previous meal out AGAIN so it has to be thrown out she fires, “Be responsible and put your food away!” (that’s the tame version).

Husband:  Feeling attacked (and rightly so) comes out with the barrage of things he’s responsible for and that weigh on him putting wife in her place.

Wife: Listens, annoyed.

Husband: “And somehow it’s all my fault!?”

Wife: Knowingly understanding the above, but thinking, “YES! IT’S YOUR FAULT!”  Holds her tongue.

Husband: Weary, Obviously weighed down, not caring that a sandwich might be a casualty of our relationship.

Wife: I want you to understand that I work hard on this food.  It takes time  … continues her rant on the problems associated with the wasting of food and how we need to solve this problem.

We vented for probably 20 minutes about life over a sandwich.  The sandwich didn’t know what hit it.  It ended its day at the bottom of dark stink.  We dug out.  We dug in and did the work of listening and talking and trying to understand where the other person was.  We’re always so much deeper than the surface would lead us to believe.

We left that conversation friends, but not lovers.  The next day God did that work in me.  He convicted my heart.  I had not been thankful for everything.  I was not being thankful for the sandwich I had to put in the trash.  And, when I began to see from a different perspective I saw God shift my love for Grant.

I realized we have food.  We have a table to put the food on.  We have each other.   It was more important for me to be thankful for everything than to be frugal or to be wise with how I use my food.  It was more important for me to love.

That night we laughed as friends and lovers do.  I saw the man I married loving me.  I saw a man who will fight for me, who will sacrifice a sandwich to make time for me.